It’s painful when something that began with hope and trust starts to feel off. Perhaps a sudden request for money, evasive behavior, or inconsistent stories have raised red flags in your online romance. If you suspect you are the target of a romance scam, acting wisely and swiftly can make a critical difference. While emotional healing takes time, these steps help you protect your finances, preserve evidence, and begin reclaiming control.
1. Pause All Financial and Sensitive Requests
The moment any conversation shifts toward asking for money, financial help, or sharing highly personal details take it as a major red flag. Scammers often build emotional trust before gradually making these demands. The first step is to stop sending money or gifting anything, and refrain from sharing further personal or financial information. Even if the story feels urgent or the person pleads, delaying is safer.
2. Cease Communication (But Don’t Delete Evidence)
Cutting off further contact is essential to prevent deeper emotional manipulation. However, don’t delete messages, emails, photos, or any communication thread. These records are your evidence. Scammers may try to coerce you into deleting or hiding things later. Preserve all screenshots, phone logs, chat transcripts, and any documents exchanged.
Guidance from anti-scam organizations confirms that maintaining the trail of communication is crucial for any future reporting or legal action.
3. Document Everything Thoroughly
To build a timeline and credible record, gather all relevant information. Note down:
- The scammer’s profile name, usernames, and contact information
- Dates and times of conversations
- URLs, email addresses, or phone numbers used
- Screenshots of chat messages, payment requests, and any documents
- Bank transfer transaction IDs, receipts, or screenshots of payments
- Any changes in story or inconsistent claims
This helps law enforcement or fraud departments trace connections and validate your complaint.
4. Report to Your Bank, Payment Providers & Credit Institutions
Contact your bank, credit card company, or any payment service used in the transaction. Explain that you suspect fraud and ask them to freeze or reverse transactions, if possible. Some institutions allow chargebacks or dispute claims when fraud is involved, especially if reported quickly.
Also, place alerts or freezes on your credit report where available. This prevents scammers from opening additional accounts using your identity.
5. Report the Scam to Authorities & Platforms
To help stop further damage and contribute to investigations:
- File a complaint with cybercrime or fraud agencies in your country (e.g. the FBI’s IC3 in the U.S.)
- Report to consumer protection agencies such as the FTC (in the U.S.)
- Inform the dating app, social media platform, or website where the relationship began. Request they block or suspend the scammer’s account.
- If relevant, alert local police, especially if large sums are involved or identity theft is likely.
The more reports authorities receive, the more resources they may deploy to crack down on scams.
6. Assess Your Digital Security
Once you stop communication, it’s wise to audit your digital presence:
- Change passwords for your email, banking, social media, and any apps used
- Enable two-factor (or multi-factor) authentication everywhere available
- Check devices for malware or suspicious software
- Review recent account activity to see if unauthorized access occurred
This helps prevent further exploitation from using any leaked credentials the scammer may have.
7. Seek Emotional & Peer Support
Being targeted in a romance scam is deeply disorienting and emotionally painful. Don’t try to process it alone. Reach out to trusted friends or family and share what’s happening. Many organizations provide support groups, counseling, or peer networks to help survivors heal. Speaking openly reduces shame and helps rebuild your confidence in human connection.
8. Learn, Reflect, Rebuild Boundaries
Once immediate crisis is managed, use the experience as a teacher. Reflect on red flags you may have missed, patterns in behavior, or vulnerabilities you can guard next time. Strengthen your boundaries:
- Delay emotional disclosures
- Always video verify identity
- Never send money to someone you have not met
- Keep a trusted friend aware of new online interactions
- Grasp that trust should be earned, not granted instantly
Accept that recovery is a process and mistakes don’t define you.